I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
