His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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