then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
