he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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