Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
