when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
