dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
well you can't waste a boner
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
