Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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