Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
