Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
