Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
