my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
