nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
