Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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