It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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