I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The uberlube is also flammable
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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