I've blown a few things in my day
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
