who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
