I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
