Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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