im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
