New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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