shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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