Little spoons don't ask big questions
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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