a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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