Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
