Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No more Irish car bombs ever.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize