omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
