Your mouth is God's brothel.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize