shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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