Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
