If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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