if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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