How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize