so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
we're so committed to being not committed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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