I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
