Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
