Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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