I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
