I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
