umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
