i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
