If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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