she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
