hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
