I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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