Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
