I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
