i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We got so high we made milksteak
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
