Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
