we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
