They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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