I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
