When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
