Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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