I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I bet he comes in French.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
