You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
