She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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