And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
