i wish starbucks made bloody marys
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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