curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
