I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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