I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
