So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Found the puke drawer
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
