And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
