that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The power of my boobs compel you
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
