wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I will pee on everything he values.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
