Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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