I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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