I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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