the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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