It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
