Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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