Yo dont text me then not text me
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
babies were throwing up all over the place
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize