Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
