Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
