he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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