All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
sex in a hospital.. check
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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