3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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