ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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