I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
