I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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