But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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