Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
