thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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