last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
