I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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