I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
