Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
