yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
